Tough times calls for tough decisions

Today marks the 10thh month of me being a SAHM. I never knew i would last dis long. Being a SAHM does not only mean dat i get to stay at home and do nothing but i stay at home and do everything. It was not juz an overnight decision and it was not easy as well. There were a lot of things dat me n Mr A had to think and discusss before i decided i want to quit my job and look after our Luq n Leia at home.

During my confinement with Leia, i was already planning to look for another job as my previous company dat i've worked for 8+ yrs was not giving me any benefits dat i could share with my family. Salary was so- so, eventhough i worked like a 'dog', no medical benefits (only for staff) and no maternity coverage. The only thing which made me loyal to d company was d friends i've made throughout d years n d E*OS allocation dat i got.

We went through a really tough time last year. Mr A lost his job somewhere in April 08 bcoz d company he was working for closed down. The company didn't even pay his last 3 mths salary and never contributed to EPF. On top of dat, i was pregnant with Leia and at that time we (me, Mr A n Luq) were still staying with my mom in my tiny room. With a baby coming along, we need to have our own place. Mr A was out of job for 8 months until he got a call from his former client offering him a job in A*catel. Eventhough it was only a contract for service job (when d job's done, d contract's terminated) but bcoz of d huge salary jump he decided to accept the offer and at the same time still look for a permanent job.

With Mr A starting to adapt to a new working environment, i juz couldn't do d same. What if i too, found a new job and we both had to work late? Who will fetch d kids from d babysitter as we only have 1 car? At the same time, my babysitter was also starting to slack. She was having personal problems which affected us as well.

My babysitter took care of Luq since he was 3mo and we were quite happy with her coz she took care of Luq as if he was her own son. But a few months before Leia was born, things were not d same anymore. She will always ask for advanced payment eventhough we always pay her on time and on top of dat she still borrowed money from us, saying dat she had to pay her hse rent, pay her mom's medical bills, no money to buy rice, etc. Her face was always gloomy and sometimes she'd cry when telling us her problems. We juz couldn't leave our kids with someone who we couldn't trust anymore. What if she had neglected our kids? Alhamdulillah x pernah jadi apa2.

That was when it hit me! I would give up everything juz to take care of my own children. With 2009 being d last year to exercise my E*OS, we will survive with only 1 income for d family, at least enough for a year. So, i tendered my resignation notice and 20.02.09 was my last day at work. The E*OS money was actually enough for us to put a down payment for a hse but with me not working anymore, we had to settle as many debts as we can (especially d ones under my name) and would also need to save at least some money for 'rainy days'.

I dare those who says being a SAHM was easy to give it a try. It was difficult at first, trying to juggle with d kids and also hse chores, without any help. I had to set a time to bathe, feed and put them to sleep and at d same time do d laudry, clean d hse and cook. There were times that i would juz lock myself in d room coz i couldn't stand d kids being so noisy but there were definitely happy times as well. Being at home, i get to see my kids 24/7 and watch them grow. Especially Leia. I get to see her developments from a little baby who didn't know anything and now she's already walking and will become a toddler soon. And Luq, i've watched him matured to being a big brother who i can always count on to help me watch over her little sister and he's been my best friend who i talk, play n quarrel with everyday.

I also learned how to cook, which is something i NEVER imagined i could do. Yelah. Dulu tinggal ngan mama nak makan apa ckp jer. Hehe. I also successfully toilet trained Luq before he turned 3yo, which i considered 1 of my biggest achievements so far :)

Things were doing great until July came and Mr A received a notice saying dat his contract would end by 1st September. At that time i was starting to panic bcoz our savings were going low and we were going to spend Eid in Indo. We knew dat it was impossible for him to get a new job by d time we came back. I even asked him if he wanted me to start looking for a job but he asked me to wait and not panic.

Four months hv passed and Mr A has yet to get a permanent job. However, he's not just sitting at home and doing nothing. Bills need to be paid and there's a family to feed. Eventhough we are actually kinda broke, Mr A still tries his best to fulfill my social activities (bday parties n outings). Now dat Leia is 13mo, i am seriously thinking of going back to work next year. We had our plans but sadly it is not going as well as we planned. Sometimes it makes me sad not to be able to throw a bday party for Luq n Leia or buy nice clothes, shoes n toys for them. But when i think again, i have given them something that no money in this world could ever buy, which is TIME. Unconditional love, 24/7. It will be very difficult for me to leave Luq n Leia but when d time comes, i hope i will be strong and so will they.

2010 is juz around d corner and we'll see how it goes but we're praying hard it will be a BETTER year. For all of us. InsyaAllah.