Helpless or pathetic?

Today i felt something dat i never knew i could ever felt before. The sight n smell of it all. It really made me sick. Sick dat i actually regretted following Mr A. Why do i have these feelings? Am i not normal or juz being too 'mengada2'? I even almost cried when i reached home. This was what i felt when going to KLCC dis afternoon. I know i sound pathetic but dis was what i felt.

It has been a few months since i'd gone to any malls. In fact, i think it has been almost a year since i ever bought anything for myself. These days i would juz avoid going to d malls coz it juz hurts me to not being able to buy anything for me or for my kids. I juz feel helpless. I am not a shopaholic but i am still a woman and i believe all women who goes to d mall must at least hold a paper bag when they leave d mall.

Nowadays it's all about Luq n Leia. I don't care if i don't get to buy new clothes or shoes. I juz know dat someday i will hv back d spending power but until then, i'll juz have to be strong.

Forever n ever

I still remember d day i met Mr A. It was 10 years ago at V*DS n i can say dat it was love at first sight for me. We are entering our 5th year of marriage dis year n i'm so blessed to have Mr A in my life. Whatever happens, he will always be there for me. He's right next to me each night before i close my eyes and each morning when i open my eyes. We've gone through a lot over d past years. There were happy times n there were tough times. He is my best friend n my soul mate. No one knows me better than he does.

Eventhough we are going through a tough time, he will try his very best to make things happen for d family. His motto is to live life to d fullest day by day. Often i worry about d future (our future) but he will always tell me not worry bcoz we will go through it together when it comes.

The most precious 'things' dat we have right now are our two jedis, Luq n Leia. InsyaAllah things will be better for our family from today onwards as Mr A will be starting a whole new journey. I love him to bits n only wish him d best in life coz what's best for him is best for d family too.

A visit to Zoo Negara

More photos in my facebook

I've been pestering Mr A to bring d kids to the zoo since d school holidays last December and on Tuesday nite he finally said "let's bring d kids to d zoo tomorrow" and i was like "ok". It was a beautiful day (not too hot) and we arrived at d zoo around 11.30am. Mind u but Zoo Negara is juz 15 mins drive from our house :p

It wasn't d 1st time for Luq n Leia to Zoo Negara. We 1st brought them there April last year but Leia was still a baby and eventhough Luq has already recognized most of d animals, he was still too small to fully appreciate d trip. However, we were happy to see him exploring d zoo today n since it was a weekday, there were not many people so we didn't have to worry about letting him run free.

Leia slept halfway but Luq did not complaint about being tired at all. Myself n Mr A had a good exercise too :)

After we finished one whole round of d zoo, we sat for a while to have a drink n before going home we went on a ride on one of d zoo cart. We went home around 2pm n Luq couldn't stop talking about his trip today. He was one happy boy. We don't think we'll be bringing Luq n Leia to Zoo Negara again anytime soon bcoz sad to say but everytime we go, everything seems to be d same. Mr A and i are planning to take them to d Singapore Zoo one day but by dat time i don't think we'll need to bring d stroller coz Leia will be running too!

Atta boy!

Yesterday at my mum's, while i was watching Luq play with his numbers book i noticed dat he could recognize numbers. This was actually not a surprise though coz i know Mr A has been teaching him to memorize the numbers on the clock. However, I thought dat he could recognize d numbers bcoz they were in sequence so i pointed at the numbers randomly n asked him to tell me what they were. Amazingly, he got all the numbers correct n i was one heck of a proud mummy! He's almost 3 1/2 years n already knows a few alphabets but it's time for me to teach him to master the whole 26 alphabets.

And the journey continues...

It has been one month + one week since i started my no rice diet and to be honest i am very dissapointed with d result. Juz like i mentioned in my previous entry, i juz don't know what went wrong. Despite not taking any rice at all and doing daily exercises, my weight is juz d same! I did not lose nor gain weight.

I've heard friends who've lost weight juz by not eating rice but they still consume high calory food and not exercise at all. Maybe my body needs more time to adjust coz each person's body is not d same (ayat penyedap hati). So, i'm not going to give up. I will still continue with my diet but dis time i'll be a bit lenient to myself.

I will eat rice whenever i feel i want to (at least once a month or on special occasions such as weddings or 'kenduris' but small portions) and will only exercise on alternate days in a week. Hahaha. Penat weh nak kena shampoo rambut tiap hari sbb asyik berpeluh. In fact, after one month of no rice, i juz had my favorite chicken rice from Melawati yesterday and when i weighed myself dis morning, it was still d same. It wasn't like i was craving for rice, it was more of an experiment (yelah tu). Hehe. But seriously, since i started dis diet i couldn't care less if i don't eat rice.

Enough said. We'll juz have to see how it goes. If by end of Feb 2010 i am still unable to lose even 1kg, then there is definitely something wrong with me coz one of my resolution is to weigh 45kg by end of June 2010!

Happy birthday ayah!

Today is my ayah's 63rd birthday and i juz spoke to him a few minutes ago over d phone. I actually texted him dis morning to wish him happy birthday but somehow i still need to hear his voice. I miss him so much! My parents hv been divorced since i was in high school but neither hv re-married. They're still good friends though. It's juz dat they fell out of love i guess. Eventhough they are divorced, ayah lives nearby and we (my siblings n my kids) still get to see him often.

However, May last year my mbah ti (grandma) requested him to come back to Jogja to take care of her (she's going to be 94 yo dis yr if i'm not mistaken). The last i saw ayah was when we went to Jogja for Idul Fitri last year and i don't know when i'll see him again :( Happy birthday ayah. I wish u were here but i also wish u good health n may Allah bless u always.

My 2010 resolutions

Why set resolutions if u can't accomplish them by end of d year? Each year i would set resolutions but by end of d year, i don't ususally accomplish all. Hence, i will bring them forward to d following year and every year will be d same. So dis year i'm going to be more realistic n will only set resolutions which i MUST accomplish by end of d year. InsyaAllah.

1. To lose weight. My weight should be at least 45kg by June 2010 (i'll write about my diet journey in another entry)

2. I want to keep my hair long again. Therefore, i won't be going to d hair salon to cut my hair anymore until end of dis year. Boleh kah? We'll see. I juz miss having long hair. I think d last time i kept my hair long was 2007!

Picture taken Sept '07

I don't think my resolutions dis year are hard to accomplish ;)